Hi fellow watchers,
there's something I want to share with you guys. I barely write anything anywhere these days anyway. Heh.
It has something with my spiritual journey with God, so you can decide for yourself whether you want to continue reading this or not.
As maybe a few of you know, I'm in my fifth year of my studies. I am thankful to have made it this far.
This semester, and especially this one, God put me in so many uncomfortable and stressful situations, where I was constantly faced with fear and anxiety. Scared of what's about to happen next. A lot of unknowns and uncertainties. A lot of what ifs.
I'm not proud to admit that I cried a lot of times out of frustration, anger and sadness. I feel like God's really pushing me to my limits. I found myself completely alone and hopeless sometimes. And that's when it hit me that He wanted me to get closer to Him. Because in His presence I can only feel peace. I've always considered myself as a disobedient Christian when it comes to this, I tend to wander away from Him whenever things are good.
What I called merely prayers before, I consider it now as conversations. Even if it sounds like a one-sided conversation, it really is not. Because during and after the conversation He comforts me, grants me peace, strengthens me, gives me hope and supports me by having others close to me pray for me too. I always found praying out loud or receiving prayers out loud was a strange thing. Something that I considered then as a strange thing, slowly becomes now a habit. It's a way to communicate with Him, my way to pour my heart out, to tell Him everything that's going on in my life, and I know He's always there.
And the best thing is: He doesn't judge me. Even though I know I'm far from His ideal image of human beings, I believe He made me and loves me anyway. "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." (Luke 12:7)
And that's what I'm going to keep in mind.
I'm writing this because I currently have a little situation that put me in a really inconvenient spot. I may or may not find out the consequences soon. This whole thing got me worried sick today and I lost a good amount of time to study for my final exam tomorrow.
This is way far out of my control and the only thing I can do is surrender to God.
He knows exactly what's best for each of us and I trust Him.